What if you can't move?

American Star
Originally uploaded by FastPhive.

What if you are stuck in one place and can't move? What if you have the desire to move, you long to move, you long to change the direction of the position you are in, but you can't? What if you have, a long time ago, had the desire to change the way you were acting, to be a different person, but you haven't yet changed to your liking? Like there was one thing you hated about yourself and tried to change, you knew it was bringing you down, but no matter how often you thought about it and tried to change it, you just couldn't.

And that's the way I feel. I know what I want to do, I just can't do it. I want to change my ways, there is one thing I have told myself to do, but for whatever reason I can't. Whenever I think this is the time, I brace for the worst. My hands start sweating, my heart starts racing, my mind goes blank, and nothing that I want to happen actually happens.

It's one of the worst feeling in the world to have.

It's the fear that holds me back. I want to change, I know I need to change. I'm like a ship stuck on a reef. I know it isn't the right place to be, it doesn't feel good, but there's nothing I can do. The one thing that can save the ship is high tide, but that's still 6 hours away. By then the ship's hull would have been ripped apart, water would have flooded the compartments and the occupants floundering on the reef.

I've been waiting for high tide and it ain't coming.

So like the American Star, I can't change course, even with the water tearing at my bow.

(As you can see I'm having fun with this flickr.com thing. The right montage are pictures I took and are part of my pages, and it makes it easy to browse by 'tagline' and insert into blogs pictures taken by others. I enjoy it, and you should too. If you don't like words, you can just look at the pictures.)